so I’m back in the good old hometown for a couple of days, passing through. There’s a summer professional theatre group in town, which is good cause there’s really nothing else to do in the summer. Last night the group had an afterparty after their performance of Godspell (which I actually went to see this afternoon with my grandma). We didn’t go to the show, just the party. It was Loaves and Fishes themed; there was bread, fish dips, water, and wine. Cast members from the shows got up and sang some songs for entertainment while community members and showgoers sat around and chatted. It was fun.
But I had mixed reactions.
I’m 23 years old. I’m an adult. But I’m surrounded by people who have know me either all my life or since I was six years old. These people know everything about me, and I’m still one of the youngest people there. I’m still “sitting at the kids table.” So when I’m sitting there drinking a glass of wine trying to talk to this guy my parents know about social justice and I’m thinking, “well this guy looks confused/bored…maybe this isn’t the right conversation for this crowd.” I thought about sparking up a conversation about how strange I thought it was that the servers thought that merlot and cabernet sauvignon were interchangeable wines but I realized that most of the people there didn’t care that there is a difference anyway and they were already giving me sideways glances like “hey isn’t that the Judge’s youngest daughter? what’s she doing drinking? She’s young!” so talking about alcohol…probably not a good idea.
Also, the last song they sang was Seasons of Love. They sang it well, and the last chorus they invited audience participation (but no one participated). I thought how if Katharine/Mary/Kayla was there we would have been singing and dancing in the back and it would have been fabulous. Instead I just felt awkward (because I really wanted to be singing and dancing in the back but restrained myself). People would have thought we were drunk, so it’s probably a good thing they weren’t there.
I cannot stand the fact that in this town it’s impossible to drink alcohol. not because I can’t do without it, it’s just the atmosphere is so negative. There’s only two options. Stone cold sober or totally wasted. and if people see you with one drink they assume that you’re one that gets crunked, and will do later on that night. It really cuts down on available social events, you can’t go somewhere, have a beer and chat and come home. I feel like I should lead a drinking in moderation crusade. Maybe we’ll have tshirts “HEY! I drink in moderation and it ROCKS!” “I love staying coherent!” “Here’s to remembering the evening!” “I choose to remain in control!”
In summation: I can’t have a drink because I feel like I’m being judged. I miss my friends. my hometown is a strange place. (soon to come, reasons why I like it here…stay tuned)
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